Sorry for the super long drought here at WoW Gold Facts, but I just came from an extended beach vacation where I got to ride the waves, lounged about in linen pants like a Mediterranean mage and released all the collective frustration built up from reviewing spam sellers.

I even got all tanned up. I’m rocking the sunburned look but can’t post the pics here because of the legions of zombie-farming Chinese gold spammers who will use it to track me down and Cannibalize me.

Army of the Dead fears aside, the first thing I did when I got back was fire up the PC and see what I’ve been missing in game. Remus and Cletus said hi and showed off some of the Ruby Sanctum gear they’ve snagged. In fact, the whole guild seems to have bumped up their GS that the competitive in me needed to get a quick fixer-upper, gear-wise.

So I ordered WoW Gold from those hardworking dudes at the EpicToon store . Went on chat and this perky agent assisted me with 10,000 WoW Gold. With prices of BiS epics going down over the month at the auction house, I figured it would be enough for a purchase plus change for our guild bank.

Anyway, after the usual pleasantries and an almost psychic homecoming bonus coupon, the EpicToon agent said to expect the Gold within the day or so. Almost snorted my coffee since, over the break, I’ve been tracking the RMT-wide shortage on a few blogs and Facebook friend updates.

I was expecting a vague response of “as soon as possible” or its many iterations, but it seems either they’ve got me tagged as a VIP or they simply have the Gold (which leads me to ask if they’ve got enough customers lining up—but that’s for another day to investigate).

So after unpacking and getting the lowdown on the latest Guild shenanigans, the Gold I ordered popped up at around the 10-hour mark. Not bad at all given the nerdrage I’ll unleash if these fellows broke their promise.

I mean, c’mon the Bronze medal star right there -> should still stand for something beyond my “reliable” first impressions , and I’m glad they’ve given me a reason to keep it at least for a little while longer. Plus I haven’t heard complaints of customer hacking at the grapevine or Complaints Board, so safety is still rock solid as far as I can tell.

Send in your post-vacation hellos below and I’ll get right back to you ASAP.

Glad to be back, New York.

Anyone who buys from Get4Gold.com AFTER receiving the horrendous email below is either color blind or a Barbie-cradling toddler who steals her mother’s credit card and thinks “Gold” is some glittery medal you get on commencement day. In other words, has the mental capacity of a five-year old Polyanna.

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What’s up with all that pink anyway? And why the hell do all the gold prices end in question marks? Can I negotiate my way and screw them of a profit? You should be earning my trust not my anger? (Just wanted to see what it feels like to use a question mark when it’s not needed–it’s sickening and will give my prep school instructors a collective seizure when they learn this).

I showed my GF the email and agreed our future baby can design a better one for sure! How do I know? Because no one in his right mind uses Comic Sans to sell anything, let alone WoW Gold worth tens or hundreds of dollars.

And don’t get me started on the message itself. I’ve become so numb to how these spammers murder the English language I can easily replace that guy in Saw who I heard is contemplating retirement. Reminder: buy kiddie bike with training wheels and crazy face mask.

The only redeeming quality of this email is it’s seductively misleading title: “Honey, his wife would like you.”

Seductively misleading because I was expecting some twisted spam to pop out–you know the kind that would get me spanked silly for being too naughty–but instead I get one that gouges my eye with WoW Gold prices that reach UP TO THE THIRD DECIMAL PLACE! C’mon, who the hell does that?

Now I can’t even use that powder pink color in the baby room–assuming we have a purty girl–without thinking “F*cking Gold Spammers!” over and over. Plus I’ve never signed up for Get4Gold.com and assume this spam-happy site just got my email from its shady network partners. Must mow those leechers down!

So they told me in Ruby Sanctum: "Dude, stick to DPSing ok? Healing ain’t for you. Now excuse me gotta do my corpse run."

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I tried, I tried, I tried!

Note to self: priests do NOT have Feign Death.

No, I’m not crazy. Just happy. And excited. I found someone gullible enthusiastic enough to sponsor my site’s upkeep, upgrade and…

GIVEAWAY CONTEST!

Now before you go nuts and tell me you want 10,000 gold or something, please calm down and let me work out what I can afford to give away to X number of lucky readers. It doesn’t have to be gold. It can be game time cards, CD keys…can you say Cataclysm?

Yeah, yours truly has been  bitten VERY BADLY by the pre-Cataclysm bug and my guildies and I are going nuts working out raid compositions and the like. We recently gained new members who are so skilled, you’d think God was biased when he made them. Alvin, our head honcho, is plotting this early who gets to do this 10-man raid, that 25-man raid, which one we’re hitting first, how many more gnomes we need to kill…you get the picture. We are no longer our server’s worst raiding guild (a dubious title we’d held since vanilla WoW and earned us one too many savage comments in Trade chat). Things are looking up.

And yeah, I know I mentioned this a while ago, I’m going to be a dad.

To celebrate the impending arrival of my future Trade chat troll son/daughter (okay, fine, we’re still looking at several months but whatever, I believe in celebrating in advance), I’ve got big plans lined up for WoW Gold Facts.

Will you tell you more about ‘em soon. In the meantime, enjoy the extended realm downtime!

Um, so who likes Real ID?

I know you can decline requests from strangers and weirdoes alike but it gives me the heebie-jeebies seeing names of real people in someone else’s roster, knowing anyone with enough curiosity can look them up in Facebook.

Like Cletus, for one.

After seeing the female names on a friend’s list, he quickly turned to Facebook to check out "the goodies" and proceeded to recite a litany of comments:

"Woohoo, hot hot hot mamacita!"

"Is that a man or a woman?"

"Wasn’t she the prostitute I did in Puerto Rico?"

"She must be at least 60 years old."

"This one ate too many lard sandwiches."

I asked Cletus how sure he was that those were the WoW-playing chick pals of his friend. He gave me a look that said I must be missing a hundred IQ points.

"Duh, see the words World of Warcraft in their Likes and Interests?"

/sigh

I told him to stop stalking people, for the love of everything that is good and holy.

"Kk, fine. I might just be wasting my time. Too many ugly women on our server."

Groans.

So…who likes Real ID?

Aaaaaagggghhhhhhh!!!



I need to do the weekly! I need my frost emblems! Alvin our guild leader has scheduled a 25-man ICC heroic! He’s now having a male bitch-fit on vent as I type this. Someone check his blood pressure, quick!

Blizz, you know I worship your team for giving us this fine, fine, fine game but for Pete’s sake get this patch right!

/bawls like a baby

/pause

Hmm, on the upside, those Chinese spammers must be having heart attacks themselves for not being able to log in too.

Life is good.

This dude has been spotted on every realm I’m on….



Dear World of Warcraft players,Blizzard system scan to your account insecurity,please log the safety net , or else Blizzard will stop using your account’s rights in one hour .Certification of Warcraft account information site http://account-blizzard dot org.

Bad English. Check.

Typos. Check.

Intent to steal your account. Can’t get any more f*cking obvious!

So who else has had the pleasure of receiving a tell from Blizzjosim?

Just a quick post to update you guys on what’s happened recently in EGF’s real life…

I celebrated another birthday on Sunday…

And I found out that I’m going to be a daddy.

Just sharing, is all.

..because they’re Alliance toons.



But I still feel for the dude.

Okay, so no patch 3.3.5 yet. It’s okay, I’m a patient man. A busy one too. Between real life and WoW life, I’m at risk of spreading myself too thin, causing some tension between me and my significant other.

In the meantime, I am having trouble with my PayPal account….again. Funds have been, um, slow to come in. Rachel my WGF staff member has been indisposed. Cletus and Remus can’t help out because of real life commitments (read: they have credit card bills to pay).

And my guild has been failing ICC in heroic mode. Miserably. Alvin our guild leader is hell-bent on getting the title The Light of Dawn but at the rate we’ve been wiping in the Crimson Hall ("Bite me, goddamn it, bite me!!!"), it’s all starting to look bleak. People on death row have brighter futures.

And, um, I might just have some breaking news for you guys. It’s a gut feel but…can’t really talk about it till a third party confirms my suspicions. It’s giving me a strange adrenaline rush, to be honest.

BBL.