March 31st 2008 04:42 am
Okay, so it’s pretty much established that I’m a WoW player who buys gold. I’d also like to establish the fact that I’m a cheapskate who subsists on Ramen noodles, wears bargain basement clothes and borrows my dad’s fully-gassed car just so I can afford the things I really like – a kick-ass PC and WoW gold, to name a couple.
However, a cheapskate will always be a cheapskate. I’m on a perpetual quest for the best WoW gold deal. I Google "wow gold" to death and run myself to the ground compiling a list of special deals from hundreds of RMTs and comparing them down to the last cent. Gold prices fluctuate every now and then, and El Cheapo Moi has a hissy-fit when I find out that 1000 gold is now just $12.95 at the same site where I bought the same amount of gold for $23.
I’m obsessed, I know.
So obsessed that I nearly had cardiac arrest out of excitement when I saw this posted as one of Google’s sponsored links:
1000 WoW Gold for only $5 at WoWMine.com.
It’s like I died and went to WoW heaven.
But common sense resurrected me and brought me back to earth. Hello P.T. Barnum! I’m not the sucker who was born just a minute ago. My saner side prevailed. I clicked the link and saw more bull than in that annual run they have in Pamplona, Spain:
"5 MINUTES DELIVERY GUARANTEE*".
Five minutes? Really?
But what’s up with the asterisk? We’ll find out later.
Here’s more BS and what is possibly the crappiest English on the face of the earth:
Okay, let’s try to analyze the copy. WoWMine "keep lowering the gold price" and "pioneer" the 50-cent per 100 WoW gold deal. Right. So customers enjoyed the "slash" (gee, hope nobody died) and they offered it a second time — only it took the WoWMine geniuses nearly two years to repeat the promo. That’s almost 24 months of your life wasted and now they’re telling us to "wait patiently for the next seasonal slash" should we poor suckers miss it.
Anyway, back to the $5 / 1000 gold come-on line…
I decided to check out the stock levels on my server. Looks like there’s gold in them thar WowMine hills. Currently 30,562 gold on Feathermoon US Alliance. Nice. But when I saw the total price for 1000 gold I nearly shat bricks:
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE 5 DOLLAR DEAL???
Time to consult WoWMine’s trusty chat support team who may have a decent enough explanation. I get some random person named Balinda who basically tells me:
1. The 5 dollar deal is a seasonal offer. Which season she didn’t say. It’s spring here but they could be neck-deep in winter snow in their side of the planet but like I give a damn what temperature they have now BECAUSE THEY SHOULDN’T BE ADVERTISING $5/100G AND TAKING BACK THEIR FRIGGIN’ WORD! If the promotion has ended, they should take out the confounded copy!
2. The promo was offered once last year. That’s funny. I thought they first offered it in April 2006 and offered it a second time, which logically means this year so….eh, what the heck, if they were trying to say something else, then something got lost in translation. It’s their fault their English is crappier than a hillbilly outhouse.
3. The next best thing she can offer me is if I "order 100g, you would get 5% bonus. If you order 100 < G < = 2000 gold, it would be 8% bonus, and so on." Her equation didn’t make any sense but since I wasn’t dealing with a Nobel Laureate, I decided to let that one slide.
4. They’re restocking their inventory "at the moment, that means all the gold we have now are for existing orders." WTF?? Whatever happened to the 30,562 gold available on Feathermoon US Alliance? You mean they were wiped out within the 2 minutes it took me to get to that page and contact their Live Chat??
5. If I am "not in a great hurry to get the gold", I can just "place an order now" and they try their best to fulfill my order ASAP. In most cases, ASAP for them takes 3 days. So much for 5-minute deliveries. Sigh.
BUT! But since I am basically a POSITIVE cheapskate, albeit a reckless and Machiavellian one, I WILL place an order. Who knows, I just might get my gold within 5 minutes of ordering. Miracles still happen in this world, right? LOL!
Tell you about it in the next post. For the meantime, kiddies, enjoy the screen shots I took of my lovely little chat with WoWMine’s super agent Balinda. Read ‘em and weep.
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