August 2nd 2009 11:17 am
Heya, delinquent WoW-playing teens who know their moms’ PayPal log-in info, if you:
a) want to buy WoW gold behind your momma’s back
b) don’t want to be hassled by Draconian verification crap
c) don’t mind being bombarded by incessant spamming in the game
d) don’t care if you’re supporting a web of Chinese companies engaged in dubious practices
e) all of the above
Then heck, go check out Susan Express dot com.
(Just in case you didn’t notice, I was being sarcastic)
Anyway, Jack was shocked senseless when the gold was delivered…after two days. Face to face. Just before his buddy’s mom could file a chargeback or something (and before she could whack her son on the butt with a soup ladle). Guess SSEX didn’t want to risk losing those precious American dollars so they trashed the auction house scheme (of course no bandage was put up for sale so that got them kinda worried, I bet) and went ahead and delivered the goodies when they saw his toon online.
And man, were they (SSEX) sure in a hurry to get it over and done with, ’cause their delivery toon kept telling Jack’s guildie’s toon to hurry up and haul his ass to Ratchet….and the guy was all the way in Dragonblight preparing to enter Azjol-Nerub. Guildie replied, “Cant. About to enter instance.” SSEX toon said “plz plz go Ratchet”.
So “go Ratchet” he did. He excused himself from the party and took a long-ass journey to Ratchet to receive his 2-day old, unverified order. So much for “plentiful WoW stock”, “5-minute delivery”, “all possible steps to protect our clients’ details” and “no best but better”, whatever the hell that last one means.
Susan, you bitch, if you’re going to keep spamming us, you better live up to the claims you whore in the game. But given who your parent company is , I guess we can all just disregard what you say and dismiss you like an unwanted, aging hooker. We’re not THAT desperate for, um, SSEX, ya know.
And for a nice closing, here’s Jack’s conversation with a member of Suzie Wong, I mean, Susan’s brothel team:
(Warning: strong language and insults galore. Do not read if you are highly sensitive)
Welcome to SusanExpress. What can I do for you?
u delivered the gold 2 days late. Item #SSEX09XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sorry we collected first gold then we waited for your auction but you did not email us
so u didnt have the stock. u also didn’t call to check the order. btw y do u keep spamming us?
But now you have gold.
answer the question y do u keep spamming in wow?
We will do better next time.
wtf u mean spam better and harder?
We will deliver faster next time.
there wont be a next time u dumb bitch u f*cked up starting with that spam sh*t
Please understand we try our best.
OMFG ur dumber than dirt u know that WE DO NOT WANT UR SPAM SH*T
You are angry that were late but I assure you that next time we will be better
Only starving f*cktards spam in game and thats what u guys ar! susanexpress is a major holy starving f*cktard Chinese spamming epic fail. btw do u pay ur spammers in rice?
We are good company please do not talk that way
a good company that spamslike satan himself thats something new
If you have nothing more to say I will say goodbye now
oh i have something more to say tell ur boss susan she’s a f*cking ho and to stop sending her slutty spamming hoes in the game susan express is an epic ho fail haha bye
And that, folks, was one cyber-SSEX chat that Lily will never forget.
You’re da man, Jack!
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