May 29th 2009
BE GOOD WHILE I’M AWAY: EGF GOES A-FILMING
My insomnia loves me. Eeeggghh..
Might as well write and bore myself, then maybe I’ll fall asleep.
I’m leaving tomorrow evening to begin filming. Indie docu. Can’t talk about it here. Might jinx the whole project. It took forever to find someone gullible willing enough to finance this project. You kiddies know how desperate determined I am to break into Hollywood, and this little flick is just one of the many stepping stones to an Oscar. :D I expect to be back in town on June 7.
Speaking about movies, what’s the deal with the WoW movie? Is it ever going to be made? Do they need a director? Can/may I direct it, pretty please? I promise to avoid the following cliches usually seen in fantasy/medieval flicks:
1. The requisite rainstorm during a battle.
2. Heavy downpour doesn’t hinder visibility.
3. The evil guy is always hooded and cloaked.
4. From Cletus: the wagon that breaks an axle and gets stuck in an eerie forest is the one carrying the king’s treasure.
5. From Remus: the princess’ lady-in-waiting attracts the hero’s sidekick.
6. Village peasants have matted hair, dirty faces and perfect-for-a-Colgate-ad teeth.
7. The good guy skewers the bad guy with his sword and the bad guy tumbles down a set of stairs. (Always tumbling down the stairs, tsk tsk)
8. The bad guys have British accents and their lackeys have Cockney-meets-demented Slavic accents.
9. A full moon can occur several nights in a row.
10. The hero cradles his dying buddy in his arms and then screams his name in vengeance while everyone else around them is killing one another. Cue background music; operatic in this case (think Maria Callas or Kiri Te Kanawa).
11. The dueling parties, at some point, will cross swords at face level.
12. Soldiers and monsters crashing through multiple stained-glass windows like they’re Homecoming banners.
13. Nightmare scenes: the beautiful lead chick dreams that her beloved died in battle and she sits bolt upright screaming her lungs out.
14. The hero is given the Sword of swords - the only thing capable of killing the Great Evil One. (so forget every big-ass spell there is, it’s gotta be a good old-fashioned blade, folks!)
15. My personal favorite: the sweet golden-haired leading lady turns into a major ass-kicker herself!
Can you think of other cliches?
Cletus will be in charge of moderating comments while I’m away and hopefully he’ll come up with a decent plaque for dem MOGS folks. I also instructed him to create an Honorable Mention section for small RMT companies. I look forward to reviewing another North American-based company. Feel free to send your suggestions; you might know someone from your own backyard who can impress me!
/wave






















