March 19th 2009 01:20 am
ETIQUETTE FOR CAVEMEN PLAYERS IN WOW: The Ten Commandments on How Not To Be a Jerk
You kiddies are probably shocked senseless by the title. EGF - Mr. Emily Post of WoW? Did hell just freeze over?
Okay, so I admit that my vocabulary can be pretty colorful when I fly off the handle BUT when UN provoked, I am actually a pretty decent fellow who goes by life’s rules. I’m just misunderstood at times. There are people who can’t deal with the way I don’t mince words when I’m not happy — just go ask my friends and family, especially my family’s social circle. I’ve been called Damien and Rosemary’s Baby (doesn’t help that my mom’s middle name is Rosemary). One summer in Nantucket, when I was little and a real livewire, I overheard my mother’s nouveau riche biatch guest’s pointed comment: "That Claire, I swear, I can’t believe she went behind her husband’s back and slept with the devil. Now we have Satan’s spawn running around us and terrorizing our children." For the record, I wasn’t terrorizing that dame’s equally snobby kids. I only happened to make her bully son cry by telling him, "I heard someone is suing your dad for stealing money and when he goes to jail you’re all gonna go to the poorhouse and you’re gonna have to sell your toys!" Classic EGF!
Again, just for the record, I am never mean to people but I can get nasty to those who are really asking for it. I’m big on keeping the peace, even in WoW, believe it or not. Just because slaying beasts and other toons is part of the game doesn’t mean the slaughter extends to demeaning the person behind those characters. Just because you’re in the 60s, 70s and 80s doesn’t mean you have carte blanche to make fun of clueless newbies. Just ’cause…
Okay, just to get everything in order, here is a list of things for all you uncouth cavemen in the game to bear in mind:
1. Thou shall not hit on pretty blood elf females by dropping cringe-inducing pick-up lines. (*cough* Cletus *cough*). These girls play WoW because they like the game and not because they’re hoping to snag some testosterone-driven Neanderthal. You want a fling? Cybersex? Go to those adult hook-up sites. Word of warning: there are real men who play those blood elf chicks. Like me. Ah, will never forget the day Cletus hit on me hoping to get some action in a private corner. You should’ve read his whisper the second I said, ‘I’m now removing my boxers, handsome". Fastest log out I’ve ever seen in my life too. Tsk tsk.
2. Before inviting someone to group with you, say hi first. Um, this is really very basic. Not everyone likes joining groups or has plans to join a group on certain days (I don’t like grouping if I have a backlog of quests of my own and need to carry them out solo). Better to ask first if grouping is okay with that person instead of slamming down the invite right away. That way, there will be no hard feelings if an invite is declined. I once declined a group invite and I got called a (insert unmentionable part of the female anatomy here, starts with C and ends with T). Ain’t WoW society a refined bunch?
3. Thou shall not insult newbies for asking ‘where is Mankrik’s wife?’. Nor shall you mislead them by making them enter Ragefire Chasm to find the missus. That is outright cruel!!!
4. Thou shall not be a ninja looter. We all hate ninja looters. If WoW ever imposed the death sentence (and I mean a permanent death), the first ones to go are ninja looters. There is no place in Azeroth for greedy little bastids like you.
5. Thou shall NOT ask newbies to pay you for helping them complete a quest. This is one of the most appalling, most shameless things I’ve encountered in the game. How do you expect new people to stay in WoW if you play the jackass ambassador? Correction: a greedy, selfish jackass ambassador who thinks nothing of depriving the poorest toons of their copper.
6. Thou shall give buffs to lowbies if your toon can give them. Lowbies will learn kindness and eventually "pay it forward" to others in need.
7. Thou shall help a fellow Horde (or fellow Ally) when you see he’s dangerously close to getting killed. Merely staring while his or her HP goes down makes you the High Priest of Insensitivity.
8. Thou shall NOT help a fellow Horde (or fellow Ally) when you see he’s handling himself pretty well. I know some people who like to bring their mounted DKs to lowbie towns so they can show them off to the "little players" and "help them" slay Hogger or Fizzle Darkstorm. Dude, for all you know, these "little people" have DKs or extreme highbies for their main toons so ya ain’t exactly gonna impress them. You’ll only tick them off if you intervene without being asked to. Nobody appreciates an eager Helpy Helperton Carebear. In fact, they’ll just tell you to (bleep) off.
9. Thou shall not use the Barrens chat, or any channel for that matter, to publicly humilate people asking reasonable questions. There are no stupid questions, only stupid people who brand clueless newbies "retards". I find that the people who love to humiliate others are the ones who can’t spell, can’t complete quests on their own and who have the most godawful toons. If a Horde could attack a fellow Horde any second of the day I would love to roundhouse-kick those little (bleep)ing denizens of the Barrens chat just to shut them up.
And last BUT NOT THE LEAST…
10. Thou shall NOT ask for gold like it’s something that should be given away. This really ticks me off . I know from experience that the same people who slam RMT are the same people who panhandle for gold in the game. Oh you pathetic SOBs, so much for your "there’s beauty and honor in pure grinding" sh*t! Why can’t you admit that grinding is a pain and start buying some gold? Or if you’re still hellbent on being anti-RMT, then at the very least stop crying poor, quit hassling people for doleouts and grind away. And while you’re at it, savor the "beauty and honor" of it while my friends and I ride our awesome mounts past you and towards the next big kill. Life is good, no? 
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9 Comments »
gamehealer on 19 Mar 2009 at 12:02 pm #
These commandments should be passed on to everyone! I still remember that bastard who offered unsolicited help. I was still a newbie then. He suddenly logged out after getting the loot! grrrr!
orcie on 19 Mar 2009 at 12:08 pm #
Oh my gosh! I can relate…
Just right after I created my female blood elf, named her hottie, this human priest came to me and asked if we can (#@*!)
I asked him if he can’t get a real woman to do it with him so he’s doing it in-game. Haha! He left. (I could be right.)
Bloody Ogre on 19 Mar 2009 at 4:52 pm #
Yeah. NEVER EVER ASK FOR GOLD as if it’s just a piece of candy from someone you just met along the way [This also applies to my guildmates]. “Rich” players (ahem) are NOT ATM’S nor a charitable institution in WoW.
The funny thing though… most of these people who kept on begging for gold are those who are anti-RMT. What’s wrong now with you hypocrites?
oli on 20 Mar 2009 at 2:32 am #
Couldn’t agree more, EGF! Bravo!
Jeongho Min on 20 Mar 2009 at 2:55 am #
Hahaha… nice one, EGF!!! Harhar!
@orcie: Hahaha…. that human priest’s such a dork and a chump… put them together, and he’s a dump… hahaha…
@Bloody Ogre: True… some players ask for gold when they really need just copper… and kickbacks, as well…
[Clark] on 20 Mar 2009 at 2:03 pm #
those anti-RMT hypocrites are pathetic beggars.
Clysta on 21 Mar 2009 at 2:14 am #
Lol. Found someone in my server killing number five. A lvl 72 warrior saying he would take people through Ragefire Chasm for 20g. -shakes head-
Hot "F"udge on 23 Mar 2009 at 5:51 am #
So it is written so it shall be done! :3
mini me on 23 Mar 2009 at 7:24 am #
11. Thou shall abide to these commandments.