WoW Gold Facts

No, Kiddies, I’m not quitting. As the title says, the No Gold Diet Challenge is just on temp hold and here’s why:

I got a phone call last night from my WoW buddy Alvin who wanted to say hello and ask me where the (bleep) I was last Saturday when the Horde needed me most. Thankfully, before I could open my big mouth and say I was playing my lowbie Dwarf Rogue, he dropped the first stinker:

"Do you know how many (bleep)ing times the Crossroads was attacked?" Now if you think I have a potty mouth, Alvin’s own vocabulary can make me look like Pope John Paul II.

"Twice?"

"Hell (bleep)ing no! At least six times while I was online! (Bleep)ing Allies (bleep)ing attacked Crossroads and Camp T and Ratchet. (Bleep)ing (bleep) dwarf and night elf with their (bleep)ing mounts!"

"Who the hell even bothers to attack Ratchet??" I laughed. Seriously, why would anyone bother attacking Ratchet and its little green men??? There’s just no challenge there; it’s like taking candy from a baby.

"Beats the hell out of me! The same (bleep)ing dwarf killed Jorn Skyseer in Camp T and camped his corpse and my girlfriend couldn’t hand over her quest to Jorn because (bleep)ing midget kept killing him! (Bleep) the Alliance!"

"Uh huh, I’m really sorry to hear about Jorn."  Why the hell was I talking like Jorn was a real person and I was tight with him?

"So where the hell where you last Saturday, EGF?"

"Had to drive Mom to Connecticut."  Had to drive my Dwarf to the next level actually.

"I see. well while you were probably mingling with the little old rich ladies there we were running from Crossroads to Ratchet to Camp T and back to Crossroads and those (bleep)ing Allies kept (bleep)ing killing us! Ever been owned by a Dwarf???"

Well, I own a Dwarf toon but…. I bit my tongue.

"He’s on my kill list. His name is XXXXXX and he (bleeped) my Tauren in the a$$! I saw him kill Mankrik! No one touches Mankrik! Mankrik is my bitch!"

"Well, look at the bright side, at least it wasn’t a gnome."  Alvin is taking this too seriously.

"Well, here’s a guild message for you, buddy: Starting today until the next two weeks WE ARE ATTACKING ALLIANCE TOWNS AND CITIES. We will avenge the Horde!"

"You are, I mean, WE are?"

"YES! (Bleep) the Alliance, we will attack every goddamn lowbie town and city where all the (bleep)ing dwarves and gnomes live. And we will only use toons in the 60s! Use your best hunter with that cool pet. What’s that pet’s name again? Zoloft?"

"Prozac. Alvin, you really mean EVERY lowbie town and city?"

"Yeah, starting with that (bleeping) Dun Morogh! Leave no survivors! And when we’re done with those gay gnomes and gay dwarves we’ll kill those gay night elves next!"

My stomach turned. My dwarf rogue is still in Dun Morogh and I had scheduled my No Gold Diet Challenge gaming for three consecutive evenings this week to catch up.

"And here’s something else: because of that bloodbath in the Barrens the guild decided to add this new rule: during those two weeks any guildie with an Ally toon caught playing his (bleep)ing Ally will be fined 300 gold!"

AH (BLEEP)!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, kiddies, that’s my reason and thank you for understanding. The Dwarf’s saga will resume after two weeks. Peace!

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