April 16th 2008 08:09 am
SWAGVAULT: WHERE’S MY GOLD Plus Do You Know What Time It Is? (2/4)
My phone rings a little past 2:00 AM. Someone better be dead.
"Herlo, ees Mr. ______ thar?" says the unearthly chirpy male voice.
"Yeah, this is he," I mumble.
"Oh, herlo Mr. He, good evening. May I speak weeth Mr. ______?"
WTF???
"This IS Mr. ______!!!" I roar, now fully awake and itching to get my hands on an assault rifle. Charlton Heston and the NRA folks had the right idea. If I had one right now, BANG!
Next thing I know I am being interrogated by a SwagVault order verification officer in a manner that is just a notch milder than what they do at Guantanamo. He asks for:
1. My age
2. How many characters I play
3. How long I’ve been playing World of WarCraft
4. The last four digits of my credit card number
5. What kind of card I have (Visa? Mastercard? Cheetah’s Strip Club VIP Card?)
"Would you like my dental records too?" Sarcasm being my strongest point at this time of night.
"No, dhat is not necessewy," says Mr. SwagVault.
Oh good Lord.
"Hey!" I yell. "You have any idea what time it is here in my part of the world?"
"Oh sowry, I woke you up."
WELL DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!
He then tells me to log in-game and wait for 30 minutes for the gold trade. Mr. SwagVault is unbelievably unflappable. I sit up in bed holding the phone stunned by how I could be so unlucky as to be woken at an ungodly hour for the second time within a span of less than 2 weeks. All because I ordered WoW gold from two gold-selling sites run by retards who can’t do time conversion.
Yeah, that picture says it all. The bird on the left is me. But I’m sure you already figured that out yourself.
I jump out of bed, switch on my PC and log into my character. So I’m getting my gold in 30 minutes, eh, Mr. SwagVault? Hmm, countdown starts NOW.
**********
I wake up late and run to work unshowered and uncombed.
Still don’t have my gold. I hate you, SwagVault.
Can anyone lend me a Heckler Koch G3 assault rifle? Anyone?
**********
Still no gold as of this writing. I can’t believe this sh*t.
It pains me to look at the order confirmation receipts:
"Your purchase will be delivered as soon as possible." Yeah right. "As soon as possible" in SwagVault’s dictionary means "as soon as you’ve suffered long enough".
And take a look at the text in the image below:
"Besides, you are assured to take your delivery in 10 mins and no further bother from us." Ha! I’ve got news for you, SwagVault honchos: after your brilliant verifications agent phoned me in the middle of night to get all my details - everything but my dental records! - your company is still doing me "further bother" BY NOT GIVING ME MY GOLD!!! WHERE IS MY GOLD!!?? I LOGGED INTO GAME AND YOUR TOON DID NOT SHOW UP!!! AT 2:20 IN THE MORNING!! YOU ARE GIVING ME ANEURYSM! WHAT’S NEXT? ANGINA AND A CASE OF THE SCREAMING MEEMIES???!!!
Kiddies, excuse me while I let fly at something.
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2 Comments »
Girl With The Pearl Earring on 17 Apr 2008 at 12:10 am #
Sorry you had to go through all that. SwagVault did the same to me and my boyfriend. They don’t care if they disrupt your sleep, just as long as they get to finish their f***ing verification. The funny part is that our SwagVault orders weren’t that big to merit an “interrogation” — I think less than $25 that time. I mean, come on, if we wanted to defraud someone, we would have gone for a bigger amount! That was the last time we ordered from SwagVault. We now go to IGE or warcraftgold.com to get our gold fix.
Diver for pearl on 06 Jun 2008 at 10:51 am #
yeah. like a bottie call from hell.